Was this a good idea?

Today I went to my first grief support group meeting. I cried the entire time I was there. I was hoping there would be some hot single guy there who lost his mom but no such luck. From 6:00 to 6:30 there is food and refreshments and the groups that are meeting that night can mingle together until their meetings start. I meet a lady who lost her husband. He died of cancer. She has two types of cancer as well. I asked how she was doing. She said she stopped treatments. She had planned to die before her husband. It didn't work out that way. He left first and now she is alone. She has given up. I think she just wants to be with her husband and so she has decided to stop her treatments and let nature take its course until she is with him again. It was very sad. My group consists of mostly women, with several who have lost their moms. One lady had a very similar story to mine. She lost her mom a week after mine and her mom was a year younger than mine. Her mother also died of cancer. I felt a bond to her immediately. Everyone had equally heartbreaking stories. One lady lost her son. They found his body lying next to railroad tracks. She still doesn't know the cause of his death. Another woman lost her daughter. She couldn't even speak about it tonight. Suprisingly..I spoke alot. I am usually silent in situations like that. I rarely spoke up at my weight watchers meetings. I guess I feel that if I speak out loud....I am getting things OUT. We were asked what we hoped to get out of this group. I don't know what I want out of this group. I guess I want to just go somewhere where there are others that understand and can relate to what I am going through. I feel guilty that I keep bringing up my mom to everyone around me. I feel like...I am forcing them to think of her. Is that wrong? Maybe they don't want to think of her any longer. She is gone...and thats it. Everyone has moved on...they are living their lives. I just don't want them to forget her. Tonight was mentally exhausting. I hope I can make it through the next 8 weeks. I know I need to be there. I just hope I can handle it.

I love you mom. I know you don't want me to be sad. I know you want me to live my life and be happy. Its so hard. I miss you so much. I thought I had been doing ok these last few weeks but tonight the flood gates have opened and every emotion I have has been pouring out. The pain......is unbearable.