I spent the afternoon replanting some of the flowers from the funeral. I hope they survive. I'd like to keep them alive as a tribute to my mom. I gave several of them away to friends because I just couldn't keep them all.
I was just told that the dogs are leaving this weekend. That was a shock. Not that they were leaving but that they were leaving so quickly. I don't know how I feel about it. I don't blame my dad for wanting to get rid of them...he never liked dogs. Merely tolorated them.
It's night time...everyone is gone...the phone isn't ringing off the hook. I am alone....and the pain from the gaping hole in my heart is almost too much to bare. I loved my mom so much and I know she didn't want to die. She was depressed and felt miserable but I know she was counting on the treatments working. She didn't want to die. She didn't deserve to die. Why was God so cruel to take her before the birth of her first grandchild? I know she didn't deserve to be punished this way so maybe its me that is being punished.
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