God help me.

I don't need aymore stress in my life. I seriously cannot take it. My body cannot take it. I found out today that my father has not been wearing his sleep apnea mask. He has had it for months and all along I thought he's been wearing it. Not only is he not wearing it....he is sending it back. He says he can't wear it because he moves around too much and it blows in his eye. I don't think he realizes what a serious condition it is. He could die. He doesn't seem to care that it upset me. He thinks that these little baby monitors we have will save him. It would be a miracle if I would hear him if something were to happen. They aren't reliable at the distance we have them and...I'm asleep!!!

I heard my moms voice today. Literally. My dad had voicemail messages from my mom (from last year) on his phone that had never been heard until I went and started deleting his messages because his mailbox was full. I had them made into an mp3 file and now I will never forget her voice. I will always have it. It waas very bittersweet listening to them. I laughed and cried at the same time.

I can already tell that Christmas is going to be awful for me. I have not been able to go into a store and look at holiday stuff with ending up in tears. My mom made Christmas. It won't be Christmas without her. It won't even be worth getting out of bed that day.