Santa is dead.

I asked my dad today if he was buying gifts for Christmas this year. He said no. He's giving money. I was saddened to hear that. Not because I want gifts, but because we spent hours on Christmas day watching each other opening gifts. I have always prided myself on buying cool gifts so I looked forward to watching everyone open the ones from me. My mom spent days wrapping gifts. She used fancy ribbons and bows. Her gifts were always wrapped beautifully. Those days are gone. I am trying really hard to get myself into the holiday spirit...but its so hard. I want to decorate but then I think.....what the hell is the point? Who's going to see it? I know I have to because I know my mom would want me to continue enjoying the holidays. We both loved to decorate and if she were looking down on me she would be disappointed if I didn't put my tree up with all of my beautiful ornaments. I love my tree. I just need to find the strength to put it up. I too will have my annual Christmas party. That too will be very hard to get through, but I need my friends this time of year.

This must be the "new normal" I'm supposed to get used to. I don't think I'll ever get used to it.