I don't think I can

What the hell is wrong with me today? I am a complete mess. I went to Kohl's to return a sweater and ended up walking the isles in tears. I saw so many things I could have bought my mom for Christmas. I can't buy her anything. There are snowmen decorations everywhere, she loved snowmen. I can't buy her any of them. I don't know how I am going to make it through the holidays. I don't think I can. I don't think I can.