I'm sorry mom.

I'm sorry that I didn't make your last holidays on this earth more memorable. Easter...I stormed out upset because you wouldn't eat. I tried to put on a happy face last Christmas but I knew things were bad. How can you have a nice holiday when you have just been told that your mother has a large tumor in her uterus and spots on her lung and liver. While everyone was telling me its going to be ok....I knew better. I have a 6th sense. I knew it was going to be my moms last Christmas. She wanted to have a nice holiday and not think the news she was given...not think about what would soon be the death of her. I wasn't strong enough to put on a happy face and make sure my moms Christmas was wonderful. I tried. I should have tried harder. I should have told her I loved her more. I knew it was going to be my moms last Christmas. Her last New Years Eve. Her last Easter. Her last birthday. Yet I spent most of those days pleading with her to eat and move around. I begged her to fight. I made her cry so many times. My intentions were good. I tried so hard to get thru to her. Why???? In the end it didn't matter. She is gone. You can't change fate. My last holiday memories with my mom...weren't happy ones (not as happy as they should have been) and its my fault. I'm so sorry mom.

I am sitting on the floor in tears starring at my empty Christmas tree. I don't have the strength to put the ornaments on it. Its too hard.