Never

I feel down today. I'm not sure what triggered it. I was fine when I woke up. I ran into the grocery store after my doctors appointment this morning and saw everyone buying turkeys and food for their Thanksgiving meal. I will never have a Thanksgiving dinner with my mother. I will never hear her complaining in the kitchen because my dad won't get off his ass and help do something. I will never hear her getting frazzled because she can't carve the turkey like the chefs on food network do. I don't like this "new normal" at all.

I had a vision the other night. I wasn't asleep, but a vision of my mom flashed in my head. She was standing and waving. She had on a pink sweater and red pants. The exact pink sweater and red pants that my friend Bill's mom was wearing at the baptism on sunday. She wears the same size clothes as my mom did and doesn't have alot of money so I gave her alot of my moms things that were left over after the garage sale. As soon as I saw her and made a point to show me that she was wearing my moms clothes and that she loved them. I'm not sure why that triggered a vision of my mom wearing those things....it was weird. I've had one or two dreams that my mom has been in...but nothing at all like my sis-n-laws dream. Hers seemed like a sign. A message right from my mom. Mine have been very ordinary. Nothing profound. I think I was even yelling at her in one. Am I not worthy???